Originally written on March 9th:
I ran the LA marathon on Sunday with a 4:15 time — 30 minutes faster than I was hoping!
It makes me feel like I can accomplish hard things and set bigger goals in my life, that I am returning to being confident. Somewhere past mile 20, it also unblocked emotions that I had been bottling up. I feel more than I did before and I feel more easily. What an incredible experience. It was definitely the right goal to work towards while resuming my sobriety and embarking on this parallel trading journey.
The tears I held back for the last half mile are the happiest tears I have had in years, if not my entire life. I feel radiantly proud of myself and it is reflecting in my daily choices.
And on Monday my trading aligned with my intentions and I had a winning day! There haven’t been many green days, nor days where I felt like I understood what I was doing and how to respond to what I was seeing on the tape. The last 48 hours has been a HUGE boost to my psyche.
I woke up today feeling energized, happy, smiling in the mirror. I am looking forward to trading today and improving my ability, getting myself farther along the path to profitability.
Written on March 14th:
I still lightly tear up sometimes when I reflect on finishing my marathon and what it took to get there.
I feel a comparable emotion when I reflect on my past week of trading.
This was my first profitable trading week!
Truly a milestone, to think of all the early nights and early mornings, many pages and pdfs and discord messages and hours and hours of calls, all the trades I reviewed, the tickers I learned about, the terms I learned, the strategies I reviewed, the types of events I categorized and our reactions to them. Everything that it took over two months to get to this point, going all in. Losing over $35,000 to speed this process up, having the confidence to keep going. The gradual inclusion of more technology and less size, so that I inadvertently came to respect what it’s like to trade unaided and both too much and very little size.
The thing is, is that this is still incredibly quick. And it’s also potentially a premature celebration. One green week, does not a winning trader make.
However I am still psyched about it. And very proud. I take about 60 trades a day with very little size so it is (I think) hard to benefit from variance. I also can’t revenge trade to get unstuck by upping my size.
I took intentional trades with sharper entries and more appropriate exits. I navigated adding/removing size from trades better and my confidence in tape reading allowed me to exit positions right before the floor fell through.
I could read into the pause of transacting, the small tick down with a pregnant pause. The lull right before it dropped out and got out just a second or two before.
In game I also found several nice spots to flip short to long or vice versa and did so, as well as, while reviewing my screen recordings, I found MANY areas that I could improve, and additional strategies or market components to be aware of. It is incredibly helpful and encouraging that my internal recursive ability to execute, review and improve is strong. I wouldn’t be here without the incredible support from my partner, but neither would I be here without the legwork and mental acuity I’ve applied to trading on my own.
I will figure out a format for how to present my weekly reviews going forwards, but for now some stats:
Week of March 9th P&L: $353.67
Largest gain: $173.52
Largest loss: -$121.72
Average daily volume: 12,898
Average winning trade: $23.10
Average losing trade: -$15.15
Total number of trades: 316 (134 winning, 181 losing)
Average hold time: 5 minutes (winning); 3 minutes (losing)
Trade P&L standard deviation: $29.66
Average position MAE/MFE: -$11.97, $13.81
What these mean to me are:
1. I addressed my leak of holding losers far offsides which is reflected in having an MFE greater than my MAE. Previously they were inverted.
2. I am focusing more trade time in spots that I have confidence in edge, and I am improving my entries, which is visible by my winning trades lasting longer than my losing trades while returning larger profit than loss.
3. I am taking a wide variety of spots, some within the system I’ve been taught, and some self derived, in order to be taking 60 trades a day net profitably.
And many more internal reflections from this week about tweaks for me to make going forward.
I am improving at an absurdly rapid pace and I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE MY FOOT OFF THE GAS.
My laundry list of afterhours homework is 17 items long and I woke up at 5am on a Saturday to start on it, although I will be taking time today and tomorrow to recharge. I was EXHAUSTED EOD Friday. I limped across the finish line, mentally.
Funnily enough, that was the opposite of my marathon. I ran the last mile at an 8:00 pace because I’m a fucking champ.
OTN, Baby! (Onto The Next)