A fledgling trader sets out to stop the bleeding by gaining control of himself.
This week began with intentions. To trade sharply and with presence. Today I lived up to that. I traded 21 symbols and made only a few substantive errors. I netted 25% of my max position size after trading 30,000 shares. I am immensely proud of this. All I want to do is wake up tomorrow and have another day of progressively more competent executions. And then wake up the next day and the next and…
I’ve been reflecting on discipline and obsession. I heard an interesting quote which was that discipline isn’t useful for the people at the very top. The most competitive/successful individuals don’t use discipline to wake up and do a long work day. Elite athletes don’t go and do their training because they have good discipline. They have a purpose that they are chasing and that gives them the drive they need to do the training or…
What a wonderful feeling, to look at yourself in the mirror and feel self love.Over the last couple years that was not a common occurrence for me.To feel like my Shadow isn’t far behind me or watching me with disdain, but that I am living the way I ought to.Sobriety looks and feels good on me. Between that, finding a purpose to dedicate myself to, working on getting into peak physical shape, and connecting consistently…
Recently each morning I’ve had an intense feeling of gratitude for having this challenge to dedicate my soul to. I was remarking to a friend of mine that the immense difficulty of learning how to profitably trade is actually a positive rather than a negative. Not only does it provide a moat to your earning potential, but it is sufficiently hard enough that it requires me to focus my entire life around making it work.…
Today has been a morning of gratitude for me. I have a men’s meditation meeting on Sundays that I go to in a nearby church. It is extremely helpful for reframing myself to be appreciative of everything I have in my life. I hear people voice their fears and worries, real concerns about financial security or the ability to take care of their loved ones. Dealing with medical issues personally or for people they are…
As of my last trading session yesterday, on Friday March 27th, 2026, I was down $64,906.82 since beginning to click in just over two months ago. I opened this blog with a post describing how losing roughly half this much would cause people to question my sanity.As my losses have mounted further, my confidence that this will work out has actually increased. Either A) I am detached from reality or B) the slope of your…
You know what’s interesting? I can’t tell what my ELO is. Trading gives you absolutely zero feedback on what your rating is.It doesn’t tell you what cutoff makes money in which environments.It doesn’t tell you where you started, or what that mistake you just made set you back.Or whether despite mounting P&L losses, you are improving sufficiently. I’m not sure whether I’m misevaluating my competencies. Or my resume and aptitudes aren’t the fit I thought…
I’ve really been going through it this week.This month has been a tough one for me. Not only am I down around $10k, but I have been violating my trading rules. I have rapidly increased my size past my designated limits. I have removed my daily stoploss and increased my individual position maximum. During my trading I have disregarded entry and exit requirements, entering trades early or late and not cutting trades from running too…
Originally written on March 9th:I ran the LA marathon on Sunday with a 4:15 time — 30 minutes faster than I was hoping!It makes me feel like I can accomplish hard things and set bigger goals in my life, that I am returning to being confident. Somewhere past mile 20, it also unblocked emotions that I had been bottling up. I feel more than I did before and I feel more easily. What an incredible…
Yesterday I didn’t leave my home; I was in a mental cave. After the open slowed down this morning and the $MMED IPO stabilized I took a long walk and called a friend. It helped restore me mentally and emotionally. I feel much better. The last few days have been quite tough. Interestingly enough I have started seeing sleep paralysis demons, last night was the third time in the past month. They occur from high…